1. This is your month to give back. Offer people rides to work on your days off. If you don't have a car, sleep with someone underprivileged.

2. You're in luck. When you turn 50, you'll get two 25's. However, you'll die post coitus--a small price to pay, really.

3. Telling people you "just like them as a friend" is confusing and hurtful. Come right out and say you think they're ugly.

4. Summer will bring you a bountiful harvest of unwanted ingrown hairs around your middle...get waxed now!

5. If no one stopped to smell the roses, how would Claritin make any money?