Samaba Restaurant
Churrascaria Brazilian Steakhouse
6737 N. Palm
559.447.1122
THE OFFICIAL BRAZILIAN DRINK REVIEW
By Jessi Hafer, Carlos Fierro, and Nicholas Nocketback

This month we wrap our lips around the traditional Brazilian beverage: the Caipirinha (pronounced Kai-Peh-Din-Ya). Samba is the only authentic Brazilian restaurant in Fresno. The term Churrascaria describes the dinning experience in which waiters come to your table and slice off as much meat as you can handle…over and over and over again. However, we chose to dine on cocktails instead.

As always, this review will be conducted in real time, in hopes that you the reader can feel the effects as much as us.

We start with the Caipirinha (traditional—the limes and sugar and ice are muddled together in the glass then the Brazilian liquor is added, known as cachucha)

“You should try a shot (of Pitu cachucha) by itself, it’s very different,” the bar tender Chris gently persuades his eager audience. Chris is an experienced, professional tender of bars with what seems like a doctorate in liquid management, he guides us through the art of the Brazilian beverage one drink at a time.

Nick wasn’t ready for it, making a lemon face. “It’s good, but I wasn’t ready, I think I burnt my esophagus.”

Jessi liked it, but she’s tough that way.

Carlos dribbled some down his beard then slurped it up. “Damn good.”

Traditional Caipirinha
A bit like a mojito, minus the mint. An amalgam of sweet and bitter flavors, made to perfection, kinda like carnival in your mouth, without the mess and regret.

Passion Fruit Caipirinha
It looked like just another unassuming fruit juice beverage, which makes it that much more dangerous. This drink offered a fresh, tart flavor. It was very much like a ruby red grapefruit—lip puckering perfection, without the vinegary aftertaste.

J: Nick, tell us a joke!

N: Okay, so this husband and wife go to the hospital. She has to have a blood transfusion and he’s the only match. After he saves her life, she divorces him for another man. He says, “You disgust me. You can take half of my money, but I want my blood back.” She points to her vagina and says, “Will you take monthly payments?”

C: Wow, you’ve sunk to a new low. I’m gonna start calling you Titanic.

J: Ewww.

The Coconut Caipirinha
N: It’s sweet and creamy, just the right amount of emulsion, makes for a perfect morning. Pour this on your breakfast flakes and you’ll definitely have the rest of the day off, you know what I’m sayin’?

“It’s niiigh…” Carlos says, meaning it’s nice—his way of trying to create a new word.

“It doesn’t seem like an alcoholic beverage,” Nick says.

“But in a good way?” Jessi asks.

“Yeah! In a real good way, serve this to anyone you’d like to seduce…including yourself. I am an expert in the art of self-seduction.”

Sambinha—a cocktail made with X-Rated Fusion Liqueur, Hipnotiq, & a blend of fresh fruit juices (every drink is made with fresh ingredients).
“It’s a layer of flavors,” Carlos says.

N: It’s almost like a madras, but smoother, like Billy D. Williams.

C: These are dangerous.

N: I don’t know about dangerous.

C: Are you saying you couldn’t drink like, 8 of these right off?

J: (aside – we’ve already have 5 in about 5 minutes)

N: Oh, yeah. That kind of dangerous. Fruity dangerous. Like Jim J. Bullock on speed.

C: Steven Segal dangerous.

N: Steven Segal’s not fruity.

C: He’s got a pony tail.

J: I wonder how many words we can make out of the letters of Churrascaria.
Scar, ass, car, chair, us, hair, arse,…

N: Chupacabra!

C: How in the hell did you make it through college?

N: I’m a legacy at SJVC.

J: Now it all makes sense.

N: I’m quirky now, but when I start drinking caipirinhas, I turn into Brad Pitt; you’ll see.

C: I think you’re more of a Brad Garrett.

We discuss a certain light fixture. Jessi and Nick agree on what it looks like (you’ll have to come see it for yourself). But Nick says it’s an art-deco piece that reminds him of a snow disc.

Sky High Martini—Passion fruit juice, passion fruit vodka, splash of pomegranate juice, sugared rim
C It’s nice. The sour tanginess brings it down to earth.

N: I like the sugared rim.

Silence

N: Ooops, time to break the seal; I’m gonna muddle myself in the restroom. Back in a jiff.

J: It’s almost leaning towards smoothiosity, or smoothiness, if you will. It’s a little tart. [she spies the pomegranate juice, and it’s 100% juice, not the pre-mix crap]. Geez Nick, you weren’t gone very long.

N: Practice, my dear, lots of practice.

Love Me Tender—pomegranate
J: These are almost healthy.

N: This drink is perfect for pirates. Stop scurvy while getting drunk!

C: You’re the only pirate here, Nocketback.

Chris explains that they also carry three Brazilian beers (bottled), and there are nine beers on tap.

N: I can see myself in your beard, Carlos

J: Pass that drink, Nocketback, you’ve clearly had enough.

Mojito—limes, rum, mint, ice
C: Very mojito-ee.

N: Last of the mojitans.

J: Damn! That’s one great mojito, like the bestly blended mojito ever.

C: Wow! that was the most poorly constructed sentence I’ve heard. We better go before we get tossed out.

In an announcers voice to no one in particular, Nick slurs,
N: For a refreshing summer retreat, don’t take your shirt off and stand in front of Grandpa’s swamp cooler, come to Samba, and allow the fruity liquor to slide down your throat like a six-year old at a water park.

J: You’d let a 6-year old slide down your throat?!?! That’s just wrong…

N: No! That’s not what I meant. It’s a clever simile. I hate you.

*Come out to Samba for some delightfully refreshing Brazilian beverages. And look forward to coming out at night—the after hours Fri. & Sat. are from 10:30 to 2:00am with a hip lounge atmosphere and various DJ’s from time to time. Enjoy the best of Brazil on the huge, private patio—perfect for these Fresno summer nights. All 254 of them.