1. Use extreme caution when wiping this month...you may be soarly disappointed if you don't.
2. You're in luck. Check your mailbox regulalry this month for fortune and riches. Can you say Publishers Clearninghouse?
3. Make a change this month to better your life...switch to the double roll two-ply.
4. Don't give up on your dreams. Unless, of course, you're an alcoholic--no going back, sorry.
5. Life will never get better for you...EVER.
6. Someone very close to you is going to develop prostate cancer on the 21st, ask around.
7. Somewhere someone is talking poorly about you. The sad truth is that they're probably right.