1. This is your month to give back. Offer people rides to work on your days off. If you don't have a car, sleep with someone underprivileged.

2. You're in luck. When you turn 50, you'll get two 25's. However, you'll die post coitus--a small price to pay, really.

3. Telling people you "just like them as a friend" is confusing and hurtful. Come right out and say you think they're ugly.

4. Summer will bring you a bountiful harvest of unwanted ingrown hairs around your middle...get waxed now!

5. If no one stopped to smell the roses, how would Claritin make any money?

Man in the Dark
Paul Auster
Holt (August, 2008)

By Nicholas Nocketback

The Future of America is Darker than Curt Cobain’s

Auster is this generation’s literary living legend, a throwback to the popularity Fitzgerald and Hemingway held. Thus, a new novel for our summer reading (although I rarely see people reading in the summer—or in Fresno for that matter) is a monumental affair. Man in the Dark is due out August 19th, but your boy here got himself an advanced copy—please don’t ask how.

Who’s Camus Anyway?
Mitsuo Yanagimachi
Film Movement (2006)
Japanese (English Subtitle)

By Nicholas Nocketback

Art House Films Belong in the Art House, Not Mine

If Robert Altman were Japanese, this’d be his film; however, he’d probably not be named Robert Altman, but more along the lines of Robisho Altmazuki. That being said (or written in this case) I hate Robert Altman films and found this one about on par with those.

The Ting Tings
We Started Nothing
BMG (2008)

By Nick Nocketback

While Coldplay, Death Cab For Cutie, & Scarlett Johansson All Have Albums Out This Month, I Believe You Fine Folks Deserve Better

Dear Nocketback,

The Lucky Mart
By Nicholas Nocketback

Samaba Restaurant
Churrascaria Brazilian Steakhouse
6737 N. Palm
559.447.1122
THE OFFICIAL BRAZILIAN DRINK REVIEW
By Jessi Hafer, Carlos Fierro, and Nicholas Nocketback

This month we wrap our lips around the traditional Brazilian beverage: the Caipirinha (pronounced Kai-Peh-Din-Ya). Samba is the only authentic Brazilian restaurant in Fresno. The term Churrascaria describes the dinning experience in which waiters come to your table and slice off as much meat as you can handle…over and over and over again. However, we chose to dine on cocktails instead.

On Ugliness
Umberto Eco
Rizzoli (2007)
By Nicholas Nocketback

Finally! A Set of Books That Both The Prom and Drag Queen Can Get Excited About.

Descent
Talia Lugacy
City Lights (2007)

By Nicholas Nocketback

This Months DVD Theme: Rape—One Done Right and One Done Wrong, Real, Reel Wrong

I can safely say that under no circumstances what so ever should anyone think of renting this complete cinematic collapse. Now feel free to hate me after reading this, but I originally rented this because I had heard of the “controversy” over Rosario’s big rape scene and its NC-17 rating. Understandably I can get porn for free on the electronic internet computer thing, but can you see Rosario Dawson? No.

The Mountain Goats
Heretic Pride
4AD (2008)

By Nicholas Nocketback

There’s Nothing Baaaaaad About This Album (Wait, That’s A Sheep Noise. What Sound Do Goats Make?)